I am of a defensive mindset. I spent half my life as a lacrosse goalie (fun fact: helmets do not stop concussions when your coach is a former college star attacker–less fun fact: cups are about as effective as helmets). My favorite football player is Ray Lewis. In Risk, I always hold Australia. And in Pokemon, I don't like fainting at all.
To my knowledge, the following team is the consistently highest-ranked defensive squad in UU. Outside of a few threats I'll list later, the only thing that consistently beats me is critical hits. I haven't changed it up in months, and I like it just fine, but given the coming tidal shift of BW2 I'm predicting that adaptation will be necessary for survival.
So, as my swan song for what I'm pretty sure is the best stall team in the current UU ladder, I decided to send the guys off in my first (and probably only) ever RMT. Enjoy!
The Gang:
I love you guys.
EVs: 248 HP/ 28 Atk / 96 Def / 136 Spd
Jolly Nature (+Spd, -SAtk)
- Brave Bird
- Roost
- Taunt
- U-Turn
Kipling has been on my team since DPP, and despite team preview I rarely switch in a different lead. To be honest I can't remember what exactly the EVs help him survive, but it's something. Probably Scarf Hera Stone Edge. Regardless, the speed is enough to outspeed base 115, aka scarfless Raikou. The only common pokemon faster is Weavile, which tends to Ice Shard anyway (on the rare side, there's Sceptile, who can't do much to Crobat, and Swellow, who I'd switch from anyway). I always lose speed ties so I don't bother trying to match Crobats or Rareodactyl.
Few if any 'leads' in the BW metagame do anything to the bat. Fast taunt takes care of every spiker, even Froslass (whose Ice Beam doesn't KO even if it's modest for some reason). U-Turn helps scout and gives me free switches from Stealth Rockers like Rhyperior and Bronzong, whose rocks will soon be spun away anyway. Scarf Flygon can't KO him with anything, including Stone Edge, so U-Turn helps me find out whether it's scarfed or banded (and, given scarfers usually U-Turn, it gives me a nifty switching advantage). Inner Focus makes Kipling laugh at Fake Out.
Moreover, Crobat counters several key pokemon in the metagame, the most obvious being Roserade. 4x resists to fighting, bug and grass, on top of ground immunity, allows numerous switch-ins. Brave Bird is deceptively powerful, opening chunks into switching pokemon and cleaning up in the endgame if I need to.
Leftovers over Black Sludge because any half-decent Trick user would just throw the sludge onto one of my other pokemon. I have never seen the point of Black Sludge over Leftovers.
EVs: 252 HP/ 252 Def / 4 SpD
Impish Nature (+Def, -SAtk)
- Stealth Rock
- Roost
- Earthquake
- U-Turn
The physical half of my two main walls, and how. Stalin takes care of so many offensive threats it's not even funny. He loves switching in on Stealth Rockers that Crobat can't handle, and dominates pretty much any physical force in the metagame. Cobalion? Heracross? Durant? Honchkrow? Stoutland? Krookodile? Flygon? Nothing. Not even Darmanitan or Victini can do much, especially after I switch in from Qwilfish's Intimidate (which I can pull off pretty easily these days).
Sets up Stealth Rocks and U-turns for quick hazard setup or countering opposing setup. Earthquake does plenty against most of the folks he walls, and Roost sets him apart from Dusclops as the premier Eviolite user for this team (sorry Porygon2, but I need a fighting resist). His mere presence makes Raikou and Zapdos freak out and use Hidden Power on Snorlax as he switches in from Crobat.
(Hyper Cutter went over Sand Veil because I hate Sand Veil hax and I don't like being a hypocrite. Pretty excited about Immunity, even though it's coming with a more common Ice Punch.)
EVs: 252 HP/ 4 Def / 252 SpD
Careful Nature (+SpD, -SpA)
- Wish
- Protect
- Knock Off
- Heal Bell
MVP right here. Wish Passing and Heal Bell holds the whole team together, while Protect not only helps Nightingale heal herself but scout and toxic stall.
I have no idea why anyone would use Seismic Toss over Knock Off on Clef. Knock Off just tears teams apart. Eviolite users become useless, Choice and Life Orb users lose their umph, and nobody likes seeing their Leftovers recovery vanish.
Magic Guard is incredible. Not just for absorbing status, but for letting the cleric switch in when I mess up against hazards and keeping Leech Seed at bay. Umbreon's got nothing on that.
EVs: 252 HP/ 252 Def / 4 SpD
Bold Nature (+Def, -Atk)
- Rapid Spin
- Scald
- Rest
- Roar
My other utility pokemon, not just spinning, but burning and phazing. Serves as a bulky water alongside Qwilfish, and while lack of Foresight makes it easy to spinblock, Scald takes care of obvious Chandelures. I tend not to let hazards sprout up in the first place, but the good general has saved my back many times.
Roar sets him apart from Hitmontop, as does his ability to attack without lowering his defenses/taking damage if he misses. Dragon Tail misses too much for my liking, and honestly Blastoise rarely gets taunted. My go-to for Kingdra unless it's obviously special (Rain Dish helps against certain varieties, and is definitely more useful than Torrent because I use Rest at low HP, not Scald).
Rest over Toxic because above all, I like surviving. Clefable takes care of him either by passing Wish or waking him up. A very reliable spinner.
EVs: 252 HP/ 252 Def / 4 Atk
Impish Nature (+Def, -SpA)
- Spikes
- Toxic
- Waterfall
- Rest
Roserade and the Nidos are far too common for Toxic Spikes to be relevant in this metagame; moreover, Toxic lets me poison floaters and fliers and lets me paralyze and burn at my choosing with Snorlax and Blastoise, respectively. The two most common spinners in UU, Hitmontop and Blastoise, are both crippled by Toxic and can't do much back.
Spikes and Stealth Rock alone do plenty, thank you very much. That's Qwilfish's primary job, and if the opposing team doesn't have a spinner you'll be seeing him come out pretty early. But beyond setting up hazards, Qwilfish is a reliable wall thanks to its typing and Intimidate (as previously stated, switching from it to Gligar makes the latter unstoppable).
Restfish is beautiful. Many a time has come where I've gotten to set up full spikes on a pokemon battering at me, assuming I'm planning on sacrificing for the sake of hazards. Nothing in this game feels better than healing up as soon as the opponent thinks they're getting a kill. Clefable, again, is handy for waking him back up, but even asleep Qwilfish is useful for Intimidate.
EVs: 248 HP/ 252 SpD / 8 Spd
Careful Nature (+SpD, -SpA)
- Body Slam
- Whirlwind
- Rest
- Sleep Talk
Snorlax. Never. Dies.
There are only two special-based attackers that have anything on Snorlax, but barring Mew and Togekiss, he's pretty much invincible. Whirlwind takes care of ghosts and jerks trying to set up, with the bonus of spreading hazard damage around. RestTalk for durability, but Clefable can also wake him up if need be. Body Slam hits like a truck even with no investment, and that's not even mentioning the paralysis.
Max special investment minus 8 EVs because Gligar takes anything that would hurt Lax, chiefly fighting-type moves. Thick Fat and a mountain of HP lets Lax absorb even physical fire attacks, most notable V-Create.
Let me reiterate: barring Mew and Togekiss, literally nothing special is getting past this guy. He yawns at Focus Blast even when it hits.
Oh, and those 8 Speed EVs? Perfect for outspeeding other Snorlax, even when they try to pull a fast one with 4.
UU Offensive Threats
-Aerodactyl: Rare, but taken care of by Blastoise.
-Ambipom: Crobat kills lead varieties, Qwil and Gligar take care of it later on.
-Arcanine: Qwil and Gligar ruin him.
-Azelf: For leads, Crobat U-Turns out (scarfed psyshock/psychic hurt a lot but don't KO) to Snorlax. Obvious explosions go to Gligar. Snorlax walls it otherwise. Clefable takes care of Light Clay varieties.
-Azumarill: Qwilfish loves Azumarill.
-Bisharp: Gligar switches in on Swords Dance or Substitute and still wins thanks to Roost and EQ.
-Cacturne: Switch to Crobat, taunt, and wait for it to run out of Sucker Punch PP if it used Swords Dance. Nothing else touches Crobat. Sand Veil is annoying but it dies easy enough to Brave Bird once it can't attack.
-Chandelure: Snorlax can survive anything Chandie throws at him and whirlwinds. Hazards usually take care of it, but so can Crobat when push comes to shove. Blastoise scalds on the switch. Clefable takes care of items. Takes a while, but rarely hurts the team.
-Cobalion: Gligar Gligar Gligar. Barring Iron Head flinches and the rare HP Ice, Gligar wins. Qwilfish is also handy if for whatever reason Gligar is unavailable, but Waterfall doesn't do much. Crobat revenges if either gets damage in.
-Crobat: Snorlax paralyzes and deals tons of indirect damage due to Brave Bird's recoil against his massive HP.
-Darmanitan: Qwilfish handles everything Darmanitan can throw barring Earthquake, which is usually obvious. Gligar takes anything but Flare Blitz without breaking a sweat.
-Durant: Qwilfish and Gligar. Blastoise can usually survive a hit and scald for major damage due to its pitiful Special Defense. If I'm lucky, a burnt Durant is a useless Durant. If not, Crobat resists X-Scissor like crazy and it's not like Durant uses Iron Head on a bulky water.
-Escavalier: Qwilfish and Gligar, with Qwil taking priority because he takes the odd Knock Off a lot better than Gligar.
-Flygon: Gligar takes nothing from it unless it Outrages, in which case it stalls out with Roost and lets confusion do its thing. Qwilfish is handy for softening it up.
-Froslass: Crobat taunts and U-Turns to Blastoise. Still hurts, though.
-Gallade: Depends on moveset. Usually can be taken care of with Qwilfish using Toxic, but if he has both Psycho Cut and Ice Punch I'm in trouble. Crobat wrecks it with Brave Bird unless it bulked up, but if it's bulking up I can get in a toxic before I die. Fortunately this is a very rare problem.
-Galvantula: Snorlax.
-Golurk: Gligar takes everything he's got with a smile. I am not looking forward to Ice Punch.
-Gorebyss: Blastoise and Snorlax both can switch on Shell Smash, absorb a hit and phaze.
-Heracross: Let's see: Gligar? Qwilfish? Crobat? Yeah, not a problem at all. I always forget he's actually considered a threat.
-Hitmonlee: All the speed in the world won't help you when you're Intimidated. If Qwilfish is dead, Gligar still walls him.
-Honchkrow: Qwilfish intimidates if it can, then Gligar stalls out Life Orb damage, Earthquaking on obvious roosts. Usually can get in multiple Intimidates.
-Houndoom: Snorlax.
-Kingdra: Blastoise can survive a hit from most varieties, and is my usual scout. Once I find out what it is, Blastoise can take care of physicals (switching to Qwilfish or Gligar on obvious Outrage to toxic or get damage in while it's locked). Snorlax takes care of special varieties. God help me if it's mixed.
-Krookodile: Gligar. lol.
-Lilligant: Snorlax absorbs sleep, and either phazes or kills with body slam.
-Machamp: Qwilfish comes in to Intimidate, then immediately switch to Gligar. If it uses Thunderpunch, I stay in. If it uses anything else I U-Turn back to Qwilfish (or switch if I'm confused), as that usually means Ice Punch. One or the other takes care of him.
-Mew: Oof. It depends. Snorlax takes care of any specials without Psyshock, Gligar takes care of most physical, utility gets worn down eventually. Not a fan, but my guys still come out on top more times than not.
-Mismagius: Snorlax phazes, Clefable knocks off etc. Even with a little damage on it, Crobat can come in on an obvious setup move and Brave Bird it to death.
-Nidoking: Snorlax, with Clefable knocking off its Life Orb if she gets the chance to come in (which is shockingly often).
-Ninjask: Switch to a phazer and phaze. Crobat could Taunt, but if it uses Protect instead of Substitute I'm screwed.
-Omastar: Snorlax. Still takes a bundle if it has a smash in, but survives. Blastoise does likewise unless it has an effective HP (which is less times then you might think).
-Poliwrath: Qwilfish loves setting up on Poliwrath. Crobat loves killing it.
-Porygon-Z: Snorlax.
-Raikou: Snorlax. Not even Aura Sphere gets past him.
-Rhyperior: Gligar usually. If it has Ice Punch I'm in a bit of trouble, but Blastoise can reliably survive an EQ if need be. Qwilfish is a risky switch, but if I predict an Ice Punch then it's over.
-Rotom-C: Snorlax. But my team hates Trick.
-Rotom-H: Snorlax. But my team hates Trick.
-Sceptile: Crobat kills it, even though it outspeeds (if it gets a swords dance in on the switch and uses acrobat then I die, but that's literally happened one time ever).
-Scolipede: Crobat taunts, others set up.
-Sharpedo: Qwilfish switches in to Intimidate, then I switch to Gligar to take the Earthquake. From there it's a prediction game that I tend to win, especially because Gligar survives -1 Waterfall easily and can roost off LO damage. Blastoise is great if Intimidate is used.
-Shaymin: Crobat switches in on most anything and can scare it off, or kill it with Brave Bird if it's weak enough. U-Turn does a ton of damage as well. Clefable can knock off its LO or Leftovers and outstall Seed Flare with switches to Snorlax after drops.
-Sigilyph: Snorlax phazes. If it's the last pokemon, I make sure Crobat's in there to taunt it. Clefable likes knocking off its Flame Orb so it can't keep shifting.
-Smeargle: Crobat and phazers.
-Snorlax: Qwilfish and Gligar do nicely, but my biggest Snorlax killer is hazards. Once it's already asleep it can't use rest again. Clefable really helps against Body Slam paralysis.
-Stoutland: Qwilfish and Gligar. Easy.
-Suicune: Snorlax. But I can usually set up on it with Qwilfish. Four calm minds? Snorlax doesn't mind. Hazards do a ton eventually. If it's the last pokemon up, I make sure Crobat can get in there to taunt it. But I usually try to make sure it's not last.
-Togekiss: Entirely based on luck. Snorlax kills it if fate doesn't hate me, mainly because it can attack or phaze while asleep (read: not paralyzed). Serene Grace is a nightmare. I hate Togekiss.
-Venomoth: Snorlax absorbs sleep and phases. Crobat can taunt and do work with Brave Bird if need be.
-Victini: Qwilfish and Gligar. Fusion Bolt is pretty easy to predict. Hilariously, my Blastoise takes less than 50% against scarftini Fusion Bolts.
-Weavile: Qwilfish Intimidates and switches to Blastoise. A problem that I can usually deal with, but easily my largest physical threat.
-Yanmega: Snorlax and Stealth Rocks.
-Zoroark: Snorlax. Focus Blast? zzzzz
UU Defensive Threats
-Blastoise: I switch in Qwilfish. It stays in to rapid spin. Toxic. Bye, Blastoise. Knock Off also helps.
-Bronzong: Setup bait as Heal Bell lets Gligar absorb Toxic and Wish or Rest lets Qwilfish absorb Earthquake. Knock Off takes care of its only form of healing. Blastoise spins and scalds.
-Claydol: Blastoise spins and scalds.
-Clefable: Knock Off, Taunt, or phaze depending on the set. Rarely a problem.
-Dusclops: Knock Off deals with Eviolite, and then he's a puppy.
-Empoleon: Snorlax walls, and Knock Off helps a ton. Blastoise can spin and attempt a burn.
-Gligar: Crobat.
-Hippopotas: Crobat.
-Hitmontop: Qwilfish uses Toxic just like it does to Blastoise. Crobat can kill it, and doesn't mind Stone Edge all that much.
-Milotic: Qwilfish can set up much like it does with Suicune. Knock Off is nice. Snorlax walls and phazes. I'm careful about Body Slam when Milotic's at play.
-Nidoqueen: Blastoise, with Clefable using Knock Off.
-Porygon2: Knock Off. God I love Knock Off. Snorlax takes care of him after that.
-Quagsire: Rare, but dealt with by Blastoise if it's Unaware. If not, phaze it out and eventually get a Toxic in.
-Qwilfish: Crobat.
-Registeel: Crobat.
-Roserade: Crobat. If it uses Sleep Powder, switch to Snorlax and deal with it. Honestly I love Sleep Powder, because Clefable heals it up and it means no Spikes. Toxic Spikes don't matter thanks to Qwilfish, and I actually like it to get Clefable poisoned.
-Rotom: Snorlax. But my team hates Trick.
-Sableye: Bit of a hassle. Knock Off helps against all but Trick varieties. Blastoise is helpful for burning it, especially once its leftovers are gone. It can't do very much to Clefable in any case.
-Slowbro: Knock Off its Leftovers, and phaze with Snorlax. The hope is to eventually get a Toxic in with Qwilfish. Even if I can't kill him, he can't kill me either, and I win the PP war with Rest. The bad news is that some opponents decide not to forfeit and I'm stuck waiting for them to struggle. So lame.
-Swampert: Blastoise, especially if Scald works its magic.
-Tangrowth: Snorlax comes in to absorb sleep, and Clefable takes care of Leech Seed. In any case, Crobat doesn't mind Tangrowth very much.
-Umbreon: Crobat can taunt, Gligar and Qwil can set up, Blastoise and Snorlax can phaze away wishpasses. Knock Off!
-Uxie: Taunt is nice, as even with supereffective STAB it doesn't do all that much to Crobat. Knock Off light clay varieties. Snorlax wears it down if it comes to that.
-Whimsicott: Can't do anything to Crobat or Clefable minus the rare Stun Spore (well, Leech Seed hits Crobat, but Brave Bird kills it dead immediately afterwards). Knock Off!
-Xatu: Knock off first, then Snorlax. Pretty annoying for my set-uppers but I manage.
-Zapdos: Snorlax and Knock Off. I can usually get a Toxic in from Qwilfish as the switch tends to be obvious.
----
Am I a freak for genuinely perking up when I see another stall team, knowing that a 100+ turn slugfest is on the way? Probably. Does hax drive me nuts? Certainly. But when all's said and done, my constantly healing team works wonders against the pre-BW2 metagame, unless crits decide to drop me five or ten slots in the rankings. I guess the fun comes in picking myself back up.
I'll miss it.
To my knowledge, the following team is the consistently highest-ranked defensive squad in UU. Outside of a few threats I'll list later, the only thing that consistently beats me is critical hits. I haven't changed it up in months, and I like it just fine, but given the coming tidal shift of BW2 I'm predicting that adaptation will be necessary for survival.
So, as my swan song for what I'm pretty sure is the best stall team in the current UU ladder, I decided to send the guys off in my first (and probably only) ever RMT. Enjoy!
The Gang:
I love you guys.
Kipling (Crobat) (M) @ Leftovers
Ability: Inner FocusEVs: 248 HP/ 28 Atk / 96 Def / 136 Spd
Jolly Nature (+Spd, -SAtk)
- Brave Bird
- Roost
- Taunt
- U-Turn
Kipling has been on my team since DPP, and despite team preview I rarely switch in a different lead. To be honest I can't remember what exactly the EVs help him survive, but it's something. Probably Scarf Hera Stone Edge. Regardless, the speed is enough to outspeed base 115, aka scarfless Raikou. The only common pokemon faster is Weavile, which tends to Ice Shard anyway (on the rare side, there's Sceptile, who can't do much to Crobat, and Swellow, who I'd switch from anyway). I always lose speed ties so I don't bother trying to match Crobats or Rareodactyl.
Few if any 'leads' in the BW metagame do anything to the bat. Fast taunt takes care of every spiker, even Froslass (whose Ice Beam doesn't KO even if it's modest for some reason). U-Turn helps scout and gives me free switches from Stealth Rockers like Rhyperior and Bronzong, whose rocks will soon be spun away anyway. Scarf Flygon can't KO him with anything, including Stone Edge, so U-Turn helps me find out whether it's scarfed or banded (and, given scarfers usually U-Turn, it gives me a nifty switching advantage). Inner Focus makes Kipling laugh at Fake Out.
Moreover, Crobat counters several key pokemon in the metagame, the most obvious being Roserade. 4x resists to fighting, bug and grass, on top of ground immunity, allows numerous switch-ins. Brave Bird is deceptively powerful, opening chunks into switching pokemon and cleaning up in the endgame if I need to.
Leftovers over Black Sludge because any half-decent Trick user would just throw the sludge onto one of my other pokemon. I have never seen the point of Black Sludge over Leftovers.
Stalin (Gligar) (M) @ Eviolite
Ability: Hyper CutterEVs: 252 HP/ 252 Def / 4 SpD
Impish Nature (+Def, -SAtk)
- Stealth Rock
- Roost
- Earthquake
- U-Turn
The physical half of my two main walls, and how. Stalin takes care of so many offensive threats it's not even funny. He loves switching in on Stealth Rockers that Crobat can't handle, and dominates pretty much any physical force in the metagame. Cobalion? Heracross? Durant? Honchkrow? Stoutland? Krookodile? Flygon? Nothing. Not even Darmanitan or Victini can do much, especially after I switch in from Qwilfish's Intimidate (which I can pull off pretty easily these days).
Sets up Stealth Rocks and U-turns for quick hazard setup or countering opposing setup. Earthquake does plenty against most of the folks he walls, and Roost sets him apart from Dusclops as the premier Eviolite user for this team (sorry Porygon2, but I need a fighting resist). His mere presence makes Raikou and Zapdos freak out and use Hidden Power on Snorlax as he switches in from Crobat.
(Hyper Cutter went over Sand Veil because I hate Sand Veil hax and I don't like being a hypocrite. Pretty excited about Immunity, even though it's coming with a more common Ice Punch.)
Nightingale (Clefable) (F) @ Leftovers
Ability: Magic GuardEVs: 252 HP/ 4 Def / 252 SpD
Careful Nature (+SpD, -SpA)
- Wish
- Protect
- Knock Off
- Heal Bell
MVP right here. Wish Passing and Heal Bell holds the whole team together, while Protect not only helps Nightingale heal herself but scout and toxic stall.
I have no idea why anyone would use Seismic Toss over Knock Off on Clef. Knock Off just tears teams apart. Eviolite users become useless, Choice and Life Orb users lose their umph, and nobody likes seeing their Leftovers recovery vanish.
Magic Guard is incredible. Not just for absorbing status, but for letting the cleric switch in when I mess up against hazards and keeping Leech Seed at bay. Umbreon's got nothing on that.
MacArthur (Blastoise) (M) @ Leftovers
Ability: Rain DishEVs: 252 HP/ 252 Def / 4 SpD
Bold Nature (+Def, -Atk)
- Rapid Spin
- Scald
- Rest
- Roar
My other utility pokemon, not just spinning, but burning and phazing. Serves as a bulky water alongside Qwilfish, and while lack of Foresight makes it easy to spinblock, Scald takes care of obvious Chandelures. I tend not to let hazards sprout up in the first place, but the good general has saved my back many times.
Roar sets him apart from Hitmontop, as does his ability to attack without lowering his defenses/taking damage if he misses. Dragon Tail misses too much for my liking, and honestly Blastoise rarely gets taunted. My go-to for Kingdra unless it's obviously special (Rain Dish helps against certain varieties, and is definitely more useful than Torrent because I use Rest at low HP, not Scald).
Rest over Toxic because above all, I like surviving. Clefable takes care of him either by passing Wish or waking him up. A very reliable spinner.
Montgolfier (Qwilfish) (M) @ Leftovers
Ability: IntimidateEVs: 252 HP/ 252 Def / 4 Atk
Impish Nature (+Def, -SpA)
- Spikes
- Toxic
- Waterfall
- Rest
Roserade and the Nidos are far too common for Toxic Spikes to be relevant in this metagame; moreover, Toxic lets me poison floaters and fliers and lets me paralyze and burn at my choosing with Snorlax and Blastoise, respectively. The two most common spinners in UU, Hitmontop and Blastoise, are both crippled by Toxic and can't do much back.
Spikes and Stealth Rock alone do plenty, thank you very much. That's Qwilfish's primary job, and if the opposing team doesn't have a spinner you'll be seeing him come out pretty early. But beyond setting up hazards, Qwilfish is a reliable wall thanks to its typing and Intimidate (as previously stated, switching from it to Gligar makes the latter unstoppable).
Restfish is beautiful. Many a time has come where I've gotten to set up full spikes on a pokemon battering at me, assuming I'm planning on sacrificing for the sake of hazards. Nothing in this game feels better than healing up as soon as the opponent thinks they're getting a kill. Clefable, again, is handy for waking him back up, but even asleep Qwilfish is useful for Intimidate.
Brahe (Snorlax) (M) @ Leftovers
Ability: Thick FatEVs: 248 HP/ 252 SpD / 8 Spd
Careful Nature (+SpD, -SpA)
- Body Slam
- Whirlwind
- Rest
- Sleep Talk
Snorlax. Never. Dies.
There are only two special-based attackers that have anything on Snorlax, but barring Mew and Togekiss, he's pretty much invincible. Whirlwind takes care of ghosts and jerks trying to set up, with the bonus of spreading hazard damage around. RestTalk for durability, but Clefable can also wake him up if need be. Body Slam hits like a truck even with no investment, and that's not even mentioning the paralysis.
Max special investment minus 8 EVs because Gligar takes anything that would hurt Lax, chiefly fighting-type moves. Thick Fat and a mountain of HP lets Lax absorb even physical fire attacks, most notable V-Create.
Let me reiterate: barring Mew and Togekiss, literally nothing special is getting past this guy. He yawns at Focus Blast even when it hits.
Oh, and those 8 Speed EVs? Perfect for outspeeding other Snorlax, even when they try to pull a fast one with 4.
UU Offensive Threats
UU Defensive Threats
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Am I a freak for genuinely perking up when I see another stall team, knowing that a 100+ turn slugfest is on the way? Probably. Does hax drive me nuts? Certainly. But when all's said and done, my constantly healing team works wonders against the pre-BW2 metagame, unless crits decide to drop me five or ten slots in the rankings. I guess the fun comes in picking myself back up.
I'll miss it.
