Except on Reddit.so everybody over the age of twelve agrees that the friend zone doesn't exist
wonderful we're not all retards yaaaay
Yeah, I disagree with this for the exact reason kittenmay brought up.Alright, I just want to say that "friends with benefits" sounds good in theory, but it virtually never works in the end. You can't continue to have sex with a person without one of you developing feelings for the other. Sex is far too intimate and vulnerable to be casual indefinitely, eventually someone is going to want a relationship or act like it already has become one.
Friends with benefits is just a convenient term thought up by horny high school and college kids with the illusion that they can just have a huge orgy without the consequences and challenges of commitment, which is absurd to say the least. It doesn't work, so stop pretending it does. Anyone who claims it has "worked for them" either a) didn't do it for long enough, b) didn't notice the other person had feelings or c) is lying.
Also, just to be clear, having sex with someone casually two or three times does not qualify as "friends with benefits". That's just a fling or an extended one night stand, which is possible to pull off without developing feelings.
Again, sorry, but you're only seeing your point. Some people do not feel that sex has any emotional relationship at all. Like I said earlier, I don't find sexual activities "exposing and intimate" in the sense that they make me care for people. Its a purely animalistic satisfaction. If you want to raise it about that, kudos to you. But not everyone does, and I'd appreciate it if you weren't obnoxious about people not having the same views as you.I said "virtually never works", meaning of course there are isolated cases where it has worked. Also I don't care what your "views" are on sex and intimacy, if you have sex with the same person long enough someone is going to develop feelings. Sex is far too exposing and intimate to keep emotions out of it indefinitely, and people who claim they can are just wearing blinders.
EDIT: Deleted last line because Pernicious is right, I was being too condescending. My apologies, I'm in a rotten mood today.
I am the exact same way. Perhaps I am just cold, but I have never had a problem with hooking up with friends and then letting go A .hand full of the people I have slept with are my friends. We remain friends. Of course I do not really view sex, unless it is with someone you love as 'intimate.' I see it as two bodies being forced together to feel some sort of pleasure.Again, sorry, but you're only seeing your point. Some people do not feel that sex has any emotional relationship at all. Like I said earlier, I don't find sexual activities "exposing and intimate" in the sense that they make me care for people. Its a purely animalistic satisfaction. If you want to raise it about that, kudos to you. But not everyone does, and I'd appreciate it if you weren't obnoxious about people not having the same views as you.
That is what one would call dysfunctional sex.Again, sorry, but you're only seeing your point. Some people do not feel that sex has any emotional relationship at all. Like I said earlier, I don't find sexual activities "exposing and intimate" in the sense that they make me care for people. Its a purely animalistic satisfaction. If you want to raise it about that, kudos to you. But not everyone does, and I'd appreciate it if you weren't obnoxious about people not having the same views as you.
Obviously you're the sex expert iDunno. Or maybe for some of us, sex isn't inherently intimate and it completely depends on how you feel about the other person? I mean come on guys. I don't think anyone is suggesting that the sex they have is passionless, just that it doesn't have any special meaning when done with someone you're "just friends" with, just like any other activity. For me, going out to dinner with my boyfriend is far more special than doing the same thing with a friend... and it's the same deal with sex. Not really that hard to understand, I think, unless you're saying that seeing people naked is inherently linked to falling for them.That is what one would call dysfunctional sex.
for the most part, yesDo you guys think that open relationships are inherently dysfunctional and doomed to fail, then?
Ok, I can rationalize your train of thought based on a good number of fwb relationships I've personally seen fail thanks to "someone developing feelings." True, that is bound to happen in some of those relationships, but i assume you believe that this applies to the vast majority of fwb setups...which is where I disagree.I said "virtually never works", meaning of course there are isolated cases where it has worked. However, if you have sex with the same person long enough someone is going to develop feelings. Sex is far too exposing and intimate to keep emotions out of it indefinitely, and I have an extremely hard time believing people can legitimately do it. I WANT to understand the opposing opinions on this one, but I am really struggling with it. I've been having sex for many, many years and it just doesn't compute in my head. Sorry if I come across as "obnoxious".
any couple that doesn't explicitly talk about this and set boundaries, especially before either have a partner in mind, is asking for trouble, but open / poly deals are totally possible if everyone is on the same page. i just don't see anything about my feelings for a partner being affected by her feelings for someone other than me - they're completely separate and discrete.my problem with open relationships is that each person kind of has their own idea of what's permissible and what is not, and unless the two (at the beginning?) parties explicitly decide what they can accept and what they cannot, it's not going to last very long.
it's not like there's a finite amount of Love Points each partner can give out!the fact that the idea of "open relationship" has the term relationship in it would suggest that eventually feelings are going to get involved, and even if you're okay sharing your partner's body, i don't think most people are okay with giving their heart and emotions to someone just so that someone can muddle it with the heart and emotions of someone else.
Guess I'd better start dismantling my relationship that's been around longer than most people in this thread have been alive, then. Ha.my best friend was in an open relationship with his now wife and it happened to work out just fine for them (given that they're now married). Neither of them ever had sex with anyone else although I think they would've been fine with it given what they've told me. That is a really special case, as I've never seen it work with any other relationship except for that one.
So do I think it can work? I would have to say yes given that I've seen it work personally. I have seen it fail every other anecdotal time I've known people who were in open relationships, so I'd say anecdotally that in general open relationships are likely to fail, and yours is likely going to follow the rule, not the exception.
Was this a question directed at all of us because you need help with it? Or were you questioning someone else's comments?How do you overcome jealousy?
for me jealousy is a sign of other problems in the relationship bubbling up in the form of possessiveness. if i'm feeling jealous something is very wrong! otherwise it's not really an issue for me. i'm really secure in terms of the relationship and her commitment. poly takes more commitment than monogamy.How do you overcome jealousy?