A poem about eunuchs (tl;dr)

[Big Bayou]

Voted "Best Boy's Senior Speech"

EDIT: Intro was blegh.

 

[Big Bayou]

The poem

Sit up, dear children, and do listen well​

To the words that I speak and the tale that I tell​

A story of triumph, of awe and of grief​

A parable fit for both preacher and thief​

A clever retelling of mystical lore​

Nail-biting drama that’s sure not to bore​

So open your eyes! Lift up your chin!​

The story of David shall henceforth begin.

​

High in the Alps there once sat a dark palace​

A haven of evil, a sanctum of malice​

The halls teemed with demons of every strain​

Minotaurs, basilisks, offspring of Cain,​

Sirens and satyrs and gorgons and faeries​

Mummies and imps and satanic canaries​

Monstrous beings brought forth from the nether,​

They cackled and shrieked as they plotted together.

​

These sinister beasts had a dastardly plan​

They sought to abort the existence of man​

For ages they’d dreamed of that glorious day​

When they’d turn Homo Sapiens to Homo Flambé​

And now that the planets were almost aligned,​

The devils prepared to assail humankind​

The poor sons of Adam foresaw not a thing​

Just one man could sense what the future would bring.

​

Under the castle, he hid in his cave,​

A scholarly fellow whose friends called him “Dave”​

When young he had trained as a scat man in France​

And could still shooby-doo-wop-bee-bop when given the chance,​

But mostly he sat in his chamber and wrote​

Scribbling down records and taking close note​

Of the damnable chatter he heard ‘bove his head​

Devilish talk that filled David with dread.

​

Most every night he sat glued to his station​

Reading through books on demonic invasion​

He fruitlessly studied in grave destitution​

‘Til one dreary night when he found the solution​

A radical way to extinguish the Fel,​

To utterly banish the fiends back to hell​

Although his great tactic would come at a price,​

That moment it seemed to old David quite nice.

​

“Yibbity-Yabbity-Eureka!” the scat man exclaimed
​

As he leapt from his desk like a lion untamed​

“The answer, the answer, I’ve found it at last!​

This plan shall make demons a thing of the past.​

The monks and the friars may offer their prayers​

But I don’t need help from the big guy upstairs​

I need only trust in my clever old brain​

And when morning comes I’ll begin my campaign!”​

Early next morning, with switchblade in hand,​

The scat master set off to travel the land​

He journeyed through countryside day after day​

Stopping at cities he found on the way​

In each little town he’d assemble the men,​

The fathers, the brothers, the nephews, and then,​

He’d brandish his knife, and transform the whole lot​

Into sniveling eunuchs, as sexless as snot.

​

The cries of the castrated poisoned the air​

Whenever old David demanded his fare​

They followed behind him in single file line,​

A genderless army of morbid design​

For the scat man had learned from his volume of scrolls,​

“The bane of all evil are those with pure souls”​

So he’d made a legion not tempted by bust​

For what could be purer than Man without lust?

​

He spayed every man from Japan to Somalia​

‘Til no guy on earth still possessed genitalia​

Arming each soldier with dagger and shield,​

They fell into rank in the great, golden field​

At the base of the mountain, that black rock of fear​

“Brothers!” cried David, “The time dabbity-doobity-draws near​

To vanquish the devils; there’s no turning back!​

So draw your stilettos and press the attack!”

​

They charged up the mountain and sounded the cry​

Of a million crazed eunuchs all ready to die​

The horde reached the summit and smashed down the gate​

And the monsters tried fighting, but it was too late​

The humans made chase as they fled down the halls​

Flinging them ‘round like unwanted old dolls​

The men slashed and hacked ‘til their strength was no more​

And thousands of demons lay slain on the floor.

​

“Brothers!” gasped David, still tired from the brawl,​

“You’ve sacrificed manhood to safeguard us all!​

Back to your homes and your families run!”​

So the eunuchs departed; their task finally done.​

And all through the world there was singing and dancing​

Laughter and fun but, alas, no romancing​

Yet troubled old David was far from elated​

Something felt off with the peace he’d created.

​

David was right not to burst into song​

For something indeed had gone terribly wrong​

Although he had crushed the dark forces of terror,​

The zealous old scat man had made a grave error​

For when gath’ring eunuchs from every last nation,​

David forgot that without procreation​

A race will die off ‘cause it simply can’t grow
​

Unfortunate, yes, but that’s just how things go.

​

Now two-hundred years after old David’s birth​

Humans no longer inhabit the earth​

All that remains of this once vibrant species​

Is crumbling ruins and fossilized feces​

I’m often inclined to sit back and reflect​

On how one man destroyed what he sought to protect​

Don’t be like David, whatever you do →​

Never take desperate measures ‘thout thinking things through! →​

And with that I must leave you and go on my way​

I hope that you’ve liked all that I’ve had to say​

The story of David is simple, I know,​

But please keep it with you wherever you go​

For though this sad tale may not have all the dressings,​

At least it reminds you to count up your blessings​

For whether life takes you to Paris or Munich​

You can always be thankful that you’re not a Eunuch.​

 

[Altmer]

This is a bit of a tl;dr poem, but I like the stylings. I don't usually tackle sex in my own poetry, though.

I think that despite the fact you know how to work your way around the words, this is a little overdone. I prefer somewhat more concise poetry; I bring things more to the point.

It's still a job well done, though.

 

[Big Bayou]

Well it was written to be a senior speech and take up 5 minutes so I had to draw it out a bit.

 

[DM]

Well it was written to be a senior speech and take up 5 minutes so I had to draw it out a bit.

Then what you should think about doing is cutting it down and editing it a bit. Go through and remove any parts/lines that you felt were kinda weak.