Lifestyle Self-improvement thread

[bdt2002]

Thank you for the belated birthday. Despite my new "freedoms" I don't think I'll be moving out soon. I'm still 2 years behind on my development because of cancer and then a year of isolation from Covid. I don't even have a driver's license yet. I don't expect me to be moving out soon unless it's for college.

That last line is very nice and thoughtful, but I've always been way worse with mental stuff than physical. I'd argue the lasting effects of the cancer was probably the mental effect it had on me. I couldn't describe it but I'll just say since I finished in January 2020 I've felt 0 effects from cancer or chemo compared to potential mental issues the ordeal left on me.

I'm not ruling out neurodivergence yet, but I think OCD is much, much more likely, to the point where I almost feel comfortable self-diagnosing myself with it due to how much it fits with some of my experiences with intrusive thoughts. I'd say I'm more of a Pure "O" type however, I don't have any clear cut compulsions like other people I've seen, aside from just trying to avoid the thoughts and what triggers them.

On the bright side I did convince my mom to let me get tested for ADHD. I've started thinking that's also less likely but it would, like OCD, explain a good deal about me and my past experiences, although it's not as severe as what I think could be the OCD.

There is a quote that explains what I'm going through perfectly: "Intrusive thoughts latch on to the things that are important to you. For example, I adore animals, if the idea popped into my head that I could harm an animal, this would certainly grab my attention, as it would shake my values to their core and cause me untold amounts of anxiety."

E: I have noticed a theme with most of my thoughts (although I don't think it applies to all of them): It starts with me being confused about something, then I obsessively try to figure that thing out, only for me to not figure it out immediately/get more confused, and then obsessively question my knowledge on the subject until I eventually fall into a depression, mostly trying to avoid the thoughts but still desperately trying to "solve them"

So many people, myself included, have not experienced what you have gone through. As such, people in my shoes, as evident by myself, may be very quick to falsely assume that the only affects left by one's life experiences are physical by nature. This could absolutely not be further from the truth; our physical pain heals over time, but the strains of mental health linger as our brains process our feelings of past experiences. From what I'm gathering, an OCD diagnosis seems almost guaranteed at this point, so much so to where I'd run these tests for you if you wanted to if I was at that point in my career. But, I digress. If it helps clear anything up, I've often heard that OCDs (as in the people who have the disorders) share a surprising amount of mental symptoms with ADHDs.

It is very true that intrusive thoughts latch on to the best of us. Just know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be here. (Likely in private messages, but still.)

 

[mushamu]

Since I have some free time rn after studying I’ll respond to this cuz it’s something I’ve been thinking a lot for myself mainly when doing my shift at work and I think it’s a cool idea in general. Ty Typhlosion4 for making this thread.

Ig if I were to review myself I can say that I’m a really impulsive person. Like for some reason I feel a certain way at one moment, act on it, then a few moments later I’m like “Why the fuck did I do this” and I instantly regret it. I need to practice putting my emotions on pause and calming down before acting because it’s lead me to make really questionable choices in the past. I can get really mad when someone attacks me or something I care about unprovoked. I also have no self confidence, sometimes it comes off as being humble but it can be really bad sometimes to the point where I’m downsizing my own achievements and telling myself I can’t do something I’m perfectly capable of doing. I feel like if I were to just believe in myself more I’d get further in life and stop being so shy; then I can form fulfilling relationships with other people in real life and accomplish a lot more things. I wanna meet new people, improve on my own body, and find motivation to do things I enjoy like drawing and going out with friends after I improve on my self confidence.

As for the positive traits I can say I’m a deep thinker that constantly dwells on subjects in order to find a solution to them. This is pretty much why I ended up posting in this thread because a lot of the times I’m at work at the mall and I see other people with their friends qor significant others, then think to myself “I wish I had fulfilling connections in real life”. I ended up concluding that the root of my problems is the fact that I don’t really have any self confidence and I should improve on that if I want to get anywhere in life. I’ve also been told I’m a creative person, and that I’m (too) nice, which can backfire sometimes too ig. I’m also humble and I like to help other people; supporting others is kind of what I’ve been enjoying my whole life and I try to be of use whenever is needed. All in all I think I’m a tender, docile, person, but it’s a double edged sword when passivity or my own emotions gets the best of me.

I hope you do not define yourself over all the weaknesses you have because i honestly and sincerely believe some tiny flaws and 'mistakes' or 'weaknesses' make us unique, they set us apart, and make us who we are. As long as it isn't too much of an issue or no issue at all, it should be okay to be that way. I hope everyone here has a great day! <3

I wanted to fw this message as individuality is something I really agree in. Sometimes I dislike something about myself but then I come to the realization that it’s okay to be like this. Sometimes as a dude I wish I was more assertive since that’s the main gender stigma for males but then I remind myself that my softness is a unique trait that isn’t necessarily bad, and at the end of the day it’s what makes me me. Another good example is looks; I’d say I really dislike how I look but I also gotta remember we can’t all look like models so being less attractive makes me, well, me. I’ve adopted the mindset that life is basically just about enjoying yourself and following your passions-for me it’s helping others and doing art- and you should try to improve on the traits that will lead you to live the life you want to live. I’ve also been trying to remember that every day matters; which makes me excited to go to sleep and see what the next day holds. I would recommend keeping this mindset- especially as someone who has spent a lot of the past few years of his life having regrets after missing out on things- because at the end of the day there is no time to waste and following this mindset will lead you to having less regrets. I hope to be proud of the flaws that make me my own person and to improve on the other ones that prevents me from living a fulfilling life. Life is everything to every one of us, but it’s short and sweet, and a lot of the joy comes from experiencing things, especially things you have never done before, so cherish every moment you have on this Earth.

 

[Wildfiree]

Since I have some free time rn after studying I’ll respond to this cuz it’s something I’ve been thinking a lot for myself mainly when doing my shift at work and I think it’s a cool idea in general. Ty Typhlosion4 for making this thread.

Ig if I were to review myself I can say that I’m a really impulsive person. Like for some reason I feel a certain way at one moment, act on it, then a few moments later I’m like “Why the fuck did I do this” and I instantly regret it. I need to practice putting my emotions on pause and calming down before acting because it’s lead me to make really questionable choices in the past. I can get really mad when someone attacks me or something I care about unprovoked. I also have no self confidence, sometimes it comes off as being humble but it can be really bad sometimes to the point where I’m downsizing my own achievements and telling myself I can’t do something I’m perfectly capable of doing. I feel like if I were to just believe in myself more I’d get further in life and stop being so shy; then I can form fulfilling relationships with other people in real life and accomplish a lot more things. I wanna meet new people, improve on my own body, and find motivation to do things I enjoy like drawing and going out with friends after I improve on my self confidence.

As for the positive traits I can say I’m a deep thinker that constantly dwells on subjects in order to find a solution to them. This is pretty much why I ended up posting in this thread because a lot of the times I’m at work at the mall and I see other people with their friends qor significant others, then think to myself “I wish I had fulfilling connections in real life”. I ended up concluding that the root of my problems is the fact that I don’t really have any self confidence and I should improve on that if I want to get anywhere in life. I’ve also been told I’m a creative person, and that I’m (too) nice, which can backfire sometimes too ig. I’m also humble and I like to help other people; supporting others is kind of what I’ve been enjoying my whole life and I try to be of use whenever is needed. All in all I think I’m a tender, docile, person, but it’s a double edged sword when passivity or my own emotions gets the best of me.



I wanted to fw this message as individuality is something I really agree in. Sometimes I dislike something about myself but then I come to the realization that it’s okay to be like this. Sometimes as a dude I wish I was more assertive since that’s the main gender stigma for males but then I remind myself that my softness is a unique trait that isn’t necessarily bad, and at the end of the day it’s what makes me me. Another good example is looks; I’d say I really dislike how I look but I also gotta remember we can’t all look like models so being less attractive makes me, well, me. I’ve adopted the mindset that life is basically just about enjoying yourself and following your passions-for me it’s helping others and doing art- and you should try to improve on the traits that will lead you to live the life you want to live. I’ve also been trying to remember that every day matters; which makes me excited to go to sleep and see what the next day holds. I would recommend keeping this mindset- especially as someone who has spent a lot of the past few years of his life having regrets after missing out on things- because at the end of the day there is no time to waste and following this mindset will lead you to having less regrets. I hope to be proud of the flaws that make me my own person and to improve on the other ones that prevents me from living a fulfilling life. Life is everything to every one of us, but it’s short and sweet, and a lot of the joy comes from experiencing things, especially things you have never done before, so cherish every moment you have on this Earth.

Very well said and I’m happy you came to this thread. Never stop striving to be the better you. Have confidence in yourself and the decisions you make and you’ll see change. As a guy I as well think it’s a gift to have the niceness I don’t think it’s more feminine to just be a nice individual that just makes us well.. “us”. Thanks a lot for commenting mushamu I hope you conquer the areas you feel vulnerable.

 

[Katy]

Sometimes as a dude I wish I was more assertive since that’s the main gender stigma for males but then I remind myself that my softness is a unique trait that isn’t necessarily bad, and at the end of the day it’s what makes me me.

I think being a 'soft dude' doesn't make you or any other guy here a bad person at all. This is a very unique trait and it is what makes yourself, well, yourself, be proud for who you are, and softness isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you can feel empathy for others and this is in my eyes what matters a lot, feeling empathy. Everyone can be cold-hearted, but being empathic is a very good trait to have and I find it really awesome to see guys being empathic to any kind of situation. It's a cool trait to have imho and sets you apart from other people.

Another good example is looks; I’d say I really dislike how I look but I also gotta remember we can’t all look like models so being less attractive makes me, well, me.

I think how people look is overrated nowadays. Just be yourself. We don't always have to look like others. Look at instagram, all people look pretty much the same, and to be honest, looks isn't what decides a partnership, a relationship. It is the character what decides who sticks together and who not. The character traits are more important than the look. At the very end of the day a look can be attractive, but I think a guy which is able to take care of himself is enough. A guy doesn't have to be a model from the health & fitness magazine.

I’ve adopted the mindset that life is basically just about enjoying yourself and following your passions-for me it’s helping others

THIS is such a good trait. I love how you approach this way of your own life and lifestyle. This is what makes you, you. I really find it very interesting and I am glad to see that you're able to stick to what you like, your passion, and all the things you aim for currently and in your future. Stick to what you like. This is the best way to go for things!

which makes me excited to go to sleep and see what the next day holds. I would recommend keeping this mindset

I like this a lot too. You really don't have to worry too much about your looks and how you are, softness can be a sign of strength!

Keep your positive mindset up, you are great and I like your approaches, keep it up!

 

[bdt2002]

Undesired Traits: That list of Good Traits is purely stuff other people have told me in the past multiple times over, but despite that I find myself in denial of my full potential at any given moment. As early as even before my autism spectrum diagnosis at the age of 2, I have enabled fear and guilt to control huge areas of my life, which didn't affect me that much during childhood but now as a 19 year old college kid, I'm starting to feel the full effects of. Suffice to say, it's... not a pretty sight. I want to believe that I can help others instead of "be the helped" for a change, but as I get older it gets harder and harder to believe that.

Would it be okay if I talked about some of the concerns that circulate throughout my mind in this regard? I'm absolutely loving the true, genuine compassion that I've seen in this thread so far, enough to where I also admire those who respond to us just as much as the people who make posts here in the first place. It just goes to show that as a community, as human beings, we can all help each other overcome those more touchy, personal subjects that otherwise plague our thoughts and feelings.

With this being said, schoolwork has done a great job at distracting me these past few weeks, but with my exams coming up and the semester starting to wind down, I find myself troubled by some of the things I wrote on my other post. It came to my attention that if I want to ask for help (something I'm historically terrible at doing anyways), I should have been a bit more specific. What exactly do I mean by "I want to help others instead of be the helped", then? Well, a list of things. I like lists. Lists make things easier to visualize and interpret for my wacky but beautiful autistic brain.

1. I'm the youngest sibling of three and always feel jealous of the rights they have as people older than myself
2. Even after getting my own driver's license and my own car, I have no confidence that I'll ever be able/allowed to drive on my own merits
3. I'm 19 years old and counting and have even considered being in a relationship a grand total of... maybe once or twice, if that
4. People older than myself (and even some little kids) are much more easily able to maintain their interests and hobbies
5. I never know if my emotions are caused by my autism or by something else, it's like my vision is all fogged up

 

[Chy3_14]

I'm currently in 3rd semester of Mathematics. Somewhere along the first semester I started feeling really bad about myself. I felt like I wasn't smart and good enough. It really didn't help that I'm a very competitive person and always felt like I was underperforming.
At the end of my first Semester I passed on of my 2 exams by a very close margin and failed the other, which I then passed on my second attempt.
Yet still, I felt like I didn't deserve it.
Along the second semester it got worse. I failed 2 of my 3 exams, and didn't feel like studying for my retakes because my motivation vanished.
Also I have to mention that around the same time girlfriend was in a mental hospital because she was dealing a lot with her depression. So every weekend I road the train for an hour to visit it her at least once a week.
So after barely studying I failed the second attempt for those exams aswell
I felt really devastated.

My first and second semester were purely online thanks to the pandemic. It didn't help that I had no zoom meetings since all of my Professors decided to just upload videos of their lectures. (Which wasn't a bad thing per se)
Now my 3rd Semester is a hybrid semester, so I can finally be on campus. It really helps a lot to be on campus and get to interact with people who study the same thing as me.
Right now I'm feeling very motivated, my homework is coming along pretty well and I generally feel like I'm getting a lot better now.
I don't think it should matter this much, but being on campus really helps a lot, especially since I have a schedule now. That is something I struggle with a lot. I tried many different techniques but none seem to work just as well.
My girlfriend always tells me that I have some undiagnosed ADHD going on. But I don't think it is so bad that it really influences my day to day life, it's more of a minor inconvenience from time to time.
As I got to know more and more people I learnt that many had the same struggles as me throughout their first semester, which also helped a lot.

But overall I really feel like I'm improving at getting better at what I do. Having a set schedule and lots of interactions helps me a TON. Also failing my exams doesn't feel as bad anymore. I learnt that the only thing that matters to me is to learn a lot and improve myself. I can pass my exams later down the line. I passed the modules that I had to pass in order to continue my studies, which took a lot of the weight of me. Now I can enjoy myself again, and I think that is the most important thing.

Edit:
It took me a lot to make myself post this since I usually dislike sharing such things on the internet

 

[Wildfiree]

I'm currently in 3rd semester of Mathematics. Somewhere along the first semester I started feeling really bad about myself. I felt like I wasn't smart and good enough. It really didn't help that I'm a very competitive person and always felt like I was underperforming.
At the end of my first Semester I passed on of my 2 exams by a very close margin and failed the other, which I then passed on my second attempt.
Yet still, I felt like I didn't deserve it.
Along the second semester it got worse. I failed 2 of my 3 exams, and didn't feel like studying for my retakes because my motivation vanished.
Also I have to mention that around the same time girlfriend was in a mental hospital because she was dealing a lot with her depression. So every weekend I road the train for an hour to visit it her at least once a week.
So after barely studying I failed the second attempt for those exams aswell
I felt really devastated.

My first and second semester were purely online thanks to the pandemic. It didn't help that I had no zoom meetings since all of my Professors decided to just upload videos of their lectures. (Which wasn't a bad thing per se)
Now my 3rd Semester is a hybrid semester, so I can finally be on campus. It really helps a lot to be on campus and get to interact with people who study the same thing as me.
Right now I'm feeling very motivated, my homework is coming along pretty well and I generally feel like I'm getting a lot better now.
I don't think it should matter this much, but being on campus really helps a lot, especially since I have a schedule now. That is something I struggle with a lot. I tried many different techniques but none seem to work just as well.
My girlfriend always tells me that I have some undiagnosed ADHD going on. But I don't think it is so bad that it really influences my day to day life, it's more of a minor inconvenience from time to time.
As I got to know more and more people I learnt that many had the same struggles as me throughout their first semester, which also helped a lot.

But overall I really feel like I'm improving at getting better at what I do. Having a set schedule and lots of interactions helps me a TON. Also failing my exams doesn't feel as bad anymore. I learnt that the only thing that matters to me is to learn a lot and improve myself. I can pass my exams later down the line. I passed the modules that I had to pass in order to continue my studies, which took a lot of the weight of me. Now I can enjoy myself again, and I think that is the most important thing.

Edit:
It took me a lot to make myself post this since I usually dislike sharing such things on the internet

Thank you for sharing. Not only that you shared your growth and you perfectly understood what makes you vulnerable and you decided how to tackle it. Sometimes people gotta be outside and experience the fresh air and being around people it’s really healthy for the mind. Continue to keep doing well :) thanks for sharing.

 

[Fishy]

lately, the main things i'm focusing on for self-improvement are 100% physical, with the notion that tending to my body will bleed into other aspects of my health, like mental, social, etc

a few months ago i got a 25lb kettlebell that i at least LOOK at every day, to remind me that it exists and i should use it. i have never been good at maintaining a routine or a schedule without some external influence (like work, school) so amongst the pandemic and being a full time student working online, my life is especially haphazard if i don't focus. but! being haphazard is not necessarily a bad thing, as i try to remind myself. this goes back to the focusing on my body idea:

i have a 1L water bottle! i try to fill it up & drink it all twice a day. that's about the average amount of water everyone should be drinking daily. this is intimidating since it's a LOT of water (8 glasses!) but having a water bottle that i only need to refill once after an initial fill is a much easier task to tackle! pursuing my computer science degree has really modified the way that i think about things, and i find immense comfort in being able to analyze a scenario in a "problem" format, then figure out what i need to do to produce the "solution." i use these terms in a mathematical way, as i love math and i'm slowly realizing that what i love about math is the "logic" of how everything works, which bleeds into programming, which bleeds into life........

for instance, another thing that has started happening that drives me nuts: my trash is becoming way too full way too often. this is mainly the fault of uber eats and all the goddamned plastic i then stuff into my bin. BUT, it's actually only the fault of not wanting to go grocery shopping and prepare food myself at home. i sort of loathe going to the grocery store because i loathe the fact that i need to set aside time each and every day to not only MAKE food, but eat it. this is why i like to skip the making part a lot, BUT, the consequences of this choice are starting to literally pile up, like in my trash can. so, i'm forced to analyze my true problem: an aversion to food.

I'm gonna get serious about this topic so I'm switching up my writing style. I didn't expect to come to this topic, but here we are! Part of my exercises in self-reflection, I suppose. Anyway.

Ever since I was young I've had a strange relationship with food. This might sound odd seeing as food is one of the simplest things our bodies and minds should want, since we literally need food to live. Over time, this fact has only ever continued to annoy me. Infuriate me sometimes. But it wasn't always like that. Before it got strange, I was obsessed with food. Savoring my favorite meal every Sunday morning before church, enjoying my favorite fast food from the nearby restaurant, or having a selection of favorite candy come Halloween time. Except eventually, I had gotten old enough to hear the tone of jokes said to me at meals, like joking that after I had gotten up from a meal to use the restroom, I was going to go "purge." For anyone unfamiliar, purging refers to people suffering from bulimia that feel intense guilt about eating food, and will then "purge" the food or force themselves to vomit up the meal they had just eaten in an attempt to "control" their diet and weight. This was a topical joke I was hearing before the age of 10, at the same Sunday breakfast I would look forward to so much. Suddenly going to the family breakfast started filling me with dread. Suddenly enjoying my food felt like something bad would happen afterward. This is just a single example of the type of insensitive comments my own family would make to me about my body in relation to food, and one of the memories that pops up when I attempt to finish the last bite of a meal but gag in revulsion at the thought. (This has improved significantly over time...)

So round and round I've gone in my head about my relationship with food, and lately it has sprung up again because I'm sick of seeing all the trash I produce by not cooking my own meals. There are so many foods and meals that I enjoy--my palate has gotten spicier and more textured over time, which is lovely, as I constantly suffer from poor sinuses and the hot food makes me feel like I am finally SENSING the world again, haha. I've also become a decent cook over the last few years out of sheer force of will, and love experimenting with spices and flavor balances along the cooking process. Yet even now, it's 1:05PM and I've eaten half a banana. I have drunk 1L of water already though, so for any moment where I think I might be lacking, I remember all the strides I've made before, today, and the ones I'll make tomorrow~

 

[Theia]

This is a good thread.

It's hard for me to talk about what I view as my strengths but I'll try:
- I do my very best to be as friendly and approachable to everyone as possible. I have bad days, as does everyone, but I think that being kind and supportive to everyone around you is extremely important, and try to reflect that in myself.
- I like to think that I'm a hard worker. When I get involved in something, a project or an event or anything else, I want to see it through to the end and have it succeed to its full potential, and if it's something that other users partake in, I want them to enjoy it and be happy to be part of it.
- What I think is my best trait is that I care very deeply for all of my communities and those who staff them, whether that be on a room or global level. If someone is insulting, threatening, or otherwise disrespecting any of the wonderful people I work with, something in me just kind of flips and I go full mother bear mode and confidence or anything else becomes a complete non-issue because I care more about my amazing colleagues than anything else.

Where I think I can improve:
- Confidence is probably one of my biggest flaws. I am constantly worried that I'm going to be bothering someone by reaching out to ask them a question, even if I know it's a legitimate question that only they can answer. I also tend to blow even tiny mistakes that I make out of proportion and beat myself up over them and worry that people are going to think I'm a fuck up because of them. I'm also forever apologizing for literally everything, even small things that I probably shouldn't be apologizing for, but it's a habit I've had for a very long time now and I'm not sure how to shake it.
- I don't have a word for this and it's kind of hard to put into words, but I'll try. Whenever someone says something nice to me, I have a really hard time believing them. I always think they're saying it out of pity, because they feel like they have to make me feel better, or to shut me up and get me to stop whining about my problems in their DMs. I guess a large part of this is that I don't see what they see in me in myself, and don't believe that they'd talk to other people about me the way that they talk about me to me (if that makes sense). I want to believe that they're being genuine, but I just can't because I don't think I'm truly worth their kind words.
- On the flipside of the above point, I'm extremely dependent on other people for validation because I don't have any sort of sense of self-worth. So needing other people to validate me but not believing them when they do has put me into a sort of vicious cycle of anxiety where I just really hate myself and see myself as little more than an attention-seeker who everyone hates, and can't see it any other way.

I know that all of my negative traits are toxic and extremely harmful to my mental health as a whole, but I'm at a loss for how to get over those hurdles.

 

[Fishy]

I know that all of my negative traits are toxic and extremely harmful to my mental health as a whole, but I'm at a loss for how to get over those hurdles.

even the way you describe your strengths is pretty ambiguous, like you're afraid to take pride in anything too specific because you likely believe someone else out-strengths you in that particular field. which might be true, but being a good person isn't a competition, right?

i would ask yourself why you think you're so unworthy of praise, or even general kindness. do your friends have value because you like them? probably not, right? they have value because they are individuals with interests, and you like them because you share similar interests, or maybe you just admire them!

so, why can't other people feel the same way about you?

i think that whenever we shy away from reaching out to friends about our feelings, or we think sharing our problems is burdensome, it's because people in our lives have told us exactly that in the past. that doesn't mean it's true. it might mean that person didn't want to listen to your feelings, but that doesn't mean sharing your feelings is a burden!!!

for young men especially, y'all need to know that your feelings matter just as much, so please don't hesitate to share them! if someone makes you feel bad about doing so, they're in the wrong, not you

 

[McGrrr]

Strengths: confident and happy in my own skin, rational, patient, good listener, empathic, calm under pressure, rarely stressed, good with money and admin (e.g. planning, bills, taxes), will say what needs to be said, I stand up for myself/others, I get stuff done

Weaknesses: don't really exercise, minimal upper body strength, not useful around the house, bad cook, my solution to practical problems is to pay for them to go away (e.g. I pay for a cleaner and a gardener), procrastinator

I've long made peace with my shortcomings and I'm honestly not doing much to work on them. I suppose life has become too comfortable for me to try harder.

I see that low self-confidence is a common theme in this thread. I think self-confidence goes hand in hand with self-awareness, which is developed through introspection and reflection over time. I presume that most people responding here are pretty young, so be assured that it takes a long time to comprehend who you are and how you fit into the world, and subsequently nurture a strong sense of your own self-worth. Meanwhile, be patient and kind to yourself.

 

[Fishy]

Strengths: I get stuff done

Weaknesses:...my solution to practical problems is to pay for them to go away (e.g. I pay for a cleaner and a gardener), procrastinator

it sounds like you have differing perspectives toward the "work" you do in your life that produces financial support vs. the "work" everyone in life should do that fosters bodily support and health!

if you struggle to do basic things like cook and clean and exercise, maybe your strength isn't "getting stuff done" but being task and detail oriented. if you don't worry about money you must earn enough to be comfortable, and you're surely competent to earn enough money to pay other people to do your basic chores. so...

maybe a shift in perspective! sounds like you don't LIKE tending to yourself, so you don't, and you can even afford other people to tend to you instead. i would say being too comfortable is absolutely your main problem.

thankfully, all you have to do is make some new choices, which is VERY EASY if you let it be. i think people are intimidated at the act of "changing" themselves because we imagine the final product and gloss over all the time and energy it takes to reach it, further glossing over how each trivial milestone is still a step forward

start doing push ups. there are tons of variations to try depending on your strength level, and it's a wonderful exercise because all you need is your bodyweight! and the ground! two things available to you at all times (i hope?????)

but beyond all that, you are great, don't believe that you can't be greater without intense effort, you can be greater as soon as you decide you are~

edit: just realized i know this person

UHHH HELLOOOOOO YOU ARE AMAZING AND LONG TIME NO TALK FRIEND, LET's LEARN RECIPES TOGETHER??

 

[shadowpea]

strength: technically speaking, im smart, and also brutally honest most of the time (is that really a strength?). puts up with stuff really well once i know theres no way to make it go away and really focused when i want to get stuff done (pretty much never). i try my absolute best to be nice to people unless theyve been jerks (im not the easily-forgive-and-forget kind of person)

weaknesses: i dont get stuff done (case in point: im supposed to be doing homework right now), i dont think things through (negating my technical smartness), i lack self control especially around computers and typically dont pay attention in class at all and is only like 5% productive at home. also 836827568976% introverted unless i really know who im interacting with. and like 0 self confidence (stuff like "im gonna screw up""i know nothing""this is gonna go terribly wrong""something will go wrong i am sure of it" constantly go through my head)

i know and kinda knew for a while (though havent been mature enough to accept thats the truth for a while) buuuuuut its like one of the things that you cant just make it go away. i know that spending all my time on youtube and video games and social media hurts my grades and my future and im not spending nearly enough time on schoolwork and stuff as i should be but whenever i try to be like "im going to be a productive and good person for a change" it lasts for like 3 hours and im back to youtube and shit. half of me is kinda resigned to the fact that my adult life will suck but other parts say that everything will be okay and idk whats wrong with me but i dont care enough to do something about it. whenever something goes wrong my reaction is like "fuck it"/"oh well"/"it happened cant change it"

first time im saying most of this to pretty much everyone to bunch of randos that ill probably never meet irl (probably because i know well never meet irl) and even though i knew all of this its good to get it out somewhere even though its a pokemon website with a bunch of people that ill probably never know.

 

[Chy3_14]

weaknesses: i dont get stuff done (case in point: im supposed to be doing homework right now), i dont think things through (negating my technical smartness), i lack self control especially around computers and typically dont pay attention in class at all and is only like 5% productive at home. also 836827568976% introverted unless i really know who im interacting with. and like 0 self confidence (stuff like "im gonna screw up""i know nothing""this is gonna go terribly wrong""something will go wrong i am sure of it" constantly go through my head)

I have 100% the same problem. I wasn't as bad in school because school really was kinda easy for me, but became a real problem when I started with university. What helped me alot is getting a second, (and this is important) dedicated work desk where I would only use my Laptop which is also dedicated to work. It's good that you are already aware of this problem the next step is finding a solution that works for **you**.

 

[ausma]

Really like this thread idea a lot; considering I've been doing a lot of introspection lately I think this would be a good place for me to just spitball a bit and also just be transparent with the public about some of my issues and how I've been working to remedy them.

Strengths

1: Empathy - although something I can be a bit weird with executing, I feel like I have a solid capacity for understanding others' emotions, where they come from, as well as support them. It's an important part of my personal moral compass and philosophy to support those around me in need, provide love and understanding, and help foster growth. It is a major initiative for me as a leader, too, to advocate for each individual and group in the community and help them find their pulse, be it through support or through helping them grow more overtly. I value the people I talk to and work with a lot and when I say I would do anything to help them, I really do mean it.

2: Receptiveness - If there's something definitely positive I can say about myself, it's that I am very willing to accept and integrate criticisms into both my character and my work. I recognize I'm not a perfect person, and by no means do I ever expect myself to be, but I think it's incredibly important to consider that perspective is a gigantic way by which we can gauge our influence on the world around us and learn what makes us tick. This philosophy has been another core part of my work ethic and I think it helps keep my ambition and paranoia in check when being confronted, and this attribute essentially is what lets me maintain a level head in a leading position or in discussions at all. This strength can also expand onto negotiations such as compromises, and I think it lets me shine particularly with PR.

3: Initiative - I feel as though my ability to take charge where aid is needed really lets me grab some problems and vacancies by the horns. This may manifest in some overambitious ways but it also lets me get involved and deep into my goals.

4: Analysis & Observation - While I can sometimes word myself weirdly, I feel as though my ability to analyze trends, reasons, and social nuances is really strong, and in part is what allows me to build such a strong understanding of things that may seem odd for me to understand, even if I may not have the direct experience. With people, I can sense trends in typing, word choice, and verbal tone. This has its benefits, but at times can lead to me overreading people and implying feelings and frustrations that may just not be there or be that high-magnitude. Funnily enough, this is something that also manifests in the way I play Pokemon, as it lets me make pinpoint predictions and plays but also can lead to overpredictions at times.

Weaknesses

1: Paranoia & anxiety - It is very, very easy for me to feel as though I'm being a disruptive, uninformative, and harmful, and this is especially compounded by me wanting to be a positive presence for those I work with. While my ability to analyze the feelings and dispositions of others can be a blessing at times, it also can lead me into some dangerous spirals about the way in which I've come off given that I sometimes have some difficulty in conveying my intended ideas and feelings.

2: Self-destructive tendencies - My friends sadly know this one far, far too well. When I internally spiral, I oftentimes use it as an excuse to berate my character, work quality, and just about everything about me. This is something I've been especially trying to target as of late because it is the major source of a lot of my stress and is a gigantic reason I struggle to see positive traits in myself without really thinking a lot. Especially considering how I also observe the nuances of my own interactions and why I say what I do, I use those observations as a logical justification to put myself down and is often why I struggle to see them as being irrational, even when it should be clear that they are. I've recently been able to detect these cues a lot better and respond to them before things get out of hand, but years of internalized self-hate have really made it hard to really shrug this habit off and really like myself.

3: Weak backbone/confidence - By far one of my more debilitating weaknesses as a leading figure and probably something that's come up a lot more lately. While I can take initiative and stand for a point, it is very easy for me to fold to opposing argument or cause without putting up much of a fight. This is something I've been working on more lately, but a lot of this stems from the above weaknesses as well as wanting to make decisions that appeal and are as beneficial to as many people as possible. It's important for me to work to understand that I have stances, and that there is cause and reason behind those stances.

4: Overzealousness - This is an attribute that several of my moderating cohorts are familiar with. This one is admittedly a bit of a double-edged sword; on one hand it lets me take initiative and get things done that need to get done, but on the other hand, sometimes that passion manifests far too ambitiously and can lead to me becoming highly dominant in discussions that require a level head. Sometimes this ambition can lead to rash decisions or word choices, or occasionally cause bias to inject more intermittently into important discussions and my disposition.

5: Dependency on others for self-worth - This can probably fall into #2, but my great friend May brought it up to me recently and is something I've been thinking about a lot lately since, frankly, it's a pretty major reason I criticize myself so harshly when I make mistakes. I often hinge on the validation and receptiveness of others to feel like I've done a good job at something to a genuinely crippling extent. It's caused me to build heavy paranoia-centric tendencies about how others view me, even if there is no problem at all, to a point where silence becomes deafening and leads me to spiral silently about people I care about. Also considering how many self-worth issues I face and how I am likely my own worst enemy, finding my own self-worth and actually getting to like and accept the kind of person I am is really intimidating and frankly, excruciatingly difficult. I'm starting to take steps to achieve that initiative but, it's a monumental journey either way.

I believe that self-improvement as a whole is an incredibly important thing for us all to work for, but it's also important to not let yourself get sucked into your flaws. Growth is a fundamental aspect of humanity and is what has let us learn and improve ourselves and what we do, but it's also important to remember that we as humans are grounded in personal experience that helps us learn and adapt, and as such we will always have great strengths that are fostered by them, even if it doesn't seem that apparent. I spent a good amount of time reading through this thread and I am genuinely so proud of all of you for recognizing your strong points, but also recognizing what makes you human and what you can work on. Always remember that we are in this together and that it's ok to ask for help!

 

[JALMONT]

I know that all of my negative traits are toxic and extremely harmful to my mental health as a whole, but I'm at a loss for how to get over those hurdles.

Therapy. I think a lot of people would stand to benefit from therapy, including most of the people in the depression thread and in this one. As someone who has and continues to have a lot of anxiety, therapy has given me some tools to fight against my anxious thoughts and help me live the life I want to live. In particular, cognitive behavioral therapy has given me a process in which I can understand how my own irrational thoughts have been creating my anxieties and has taught me how to live with them. I think for anyone whose anxiety (and depression probably too) is stopping you from living the life you want to live, then it's something worth checking out. At the very least, you can probably take a look at a CBT workbook and get a sense of what it's about.

The idea behind CBT is that you have these automatic thoughts in your mind that create excessive anxiety which in turn gives you mental roadblocks that affect how you feel. It's normal to be anxious, but it's not normal when those thoughts are overwhelming you and stopping you from doing the things you want to do. Anxiety creates a reality that seems really real in our minds, but it's really just a distorted view of everything, including our own self. When we take the time to logically examine the thoughts creating that reality, we see that they aren't really true at all, or at least not to the extent we think they are. The goal then is that by recognizing these automatic thoughts that subconsciously come up, you can respond rationally to them and hopefully be able to change your thinking so that you can do the things you want to do. Looking at your post, you feel like people think you are a fuck up for making a mistake. But that's not true at all - you have no idea what people are thinking when you make a mistake. This is what CBT teaches us. When we have these automatic thoughts, we can fight back against them by looking at them rationally and seeing what the evidence actually tells us. When you say you don't believe people are saying nice things to you out of genuine concern, that's not something that's based in reality; it's just a feeling you have that you believe is a fact. This is not to discount your feelings or to say they are unimportant - they are real but in this case, they're just feelings - how you feel doesn't have any bearing on what reality is, which is that you have no idea why someone might be complimenting you. My guess is that the evidence is probably more likely to suggest that they are saying it genuinely...

This is not to say that therapy is a magic wand that will solve everything or that this is something that's easy to do. Therapy is hard because it requires you to try and break habits that can be deeply ingrained within ourselves. You have to want to break free of the thoughts that trap you and get out of your comfort zone. You have to be willing to work at it and struggle and feel uncomfortable and fail. This is something I really struggle with even though I feel I've finally made progress - it can be difficult to be resilient against failure and it's hard to push yourself to keep improving especially if you get good at avoiding/compartmentalizing the feelings that make you feel bad and/or uncomfortable. To that end, regardless of therapy being something for you, I think it's really important to remember to have self-compassion. Strive to be better, but recognize your imperfections and accept the fact that you will not always succeed and you will not always be perfect.

Best of luck to everyone.

 

[Fishy]

Therapy. I think a lot of people would stand to benefit from therapy, including most of the people in the depression thread and in this one. As someone who has and continues to have a lot of anxiety, therapy has given me some tools to fight against my anxious thoughts and help me live the life I want to live. In particular, cognitive behavioral therapy has given me a process in which I can understand how my own irrational thoughts have been creating my anxieties and has taught me how to live with them. I think for anyone whose anxiety (and depression probably too) is stopping you from living the life you want to live, then it's something worth checking out. At the very least, you can probably take a look at a CBT workbook and get a sense of what it's about.

The idea behind CBT is that you have these automatic thoughts in your mind that create excessive anxiety which in turn gives you mental roadblocks that affect how you feel. It's normal to be anxious, but it's not normal when those thoughts are overwhelming you and stopping you from doing the things you want to do. Anxiety creates a reality that seems really real in our minds, but it's really just a distorted view of everything, including our own self. When we take the time to logically examine the thoughts creating that reality, we see that they aren't really true at all, or at least not to the extent we think they are. The goal then is that by recognizing these automatic thoughts that subconsciously come up, you can respond rationally to them and hopefully be able to change your thinking so that you can do the things you want to do. Looking at your post, you feel like people think you are a fuck up for making a mistake. But that's not true at all - you have no idea what people are thinking when you make a mistake. This is what CBT teaches us. When we have these automatic thoughts, we can fight back against them by looking at them rationally and seeing what the evidence actually tells us. When you say you don't believe people are saying nice things to you out of genuine concern, that's not something that's based in reality; it's just a feeling you have that you believe is a fact. This is not to discount your feelings or to say they are unimportant - they are real but in this case, they're just feelings - how you feel doesn't have any bearing on what reality is, which is that you have no idea why someone might be complimenting you. My guess is that the evidence is probably more likely to suggest that they are saying it genuinely...

This is not to say that therapy is a magic wand that will solve everything or that this is something that's easy to do. Therapy is hard because it requires you to try and break habits that can be deeply ingrained within ourselves. You have to want to break free of the thoughts that trap you and get out of your comfort zone. You have to be willing to work at it and struggle and feel uncomfortable and fail. This is something I really struggle with even though I feel I've finally made progress - it can be difficult to be resilient against failure and it's hard to push yourself to keep improving especially if you get good at avoiding/compartmentalizing the feelings that make you feel bad and/or uncomfortable. To that end, regardless of therapy being something for you, I think it's really important to remember to have self-compassion. Strive to be better, but recognize your imperfections and accept the fact that you will not always succeed and you will not always be perfect.

Best of luck to everyone.

this is a very well worded post on therapy and the benefits it can offer--i only wanted to tack on that therapy will only be as successful as you make it! this mainly applies to honesty. a therapist cannot help you if you try to "soften the blow" of what your inner experience is actually like, they're meant to listen to all your ugliness and be an objective observer and advisor!

on that note, PLEASE remember that a therapist is just a human with a job, and they are fallible. this means that they can mess up, or they can be bad at their job. sometimes having success with therapy also means finding the right fitting therapist, so do NOT feel like you must commit to an intimate encounter with someone biweekly if interacting with them isn't actually making you feel better. i utilized therapy once in my life formally (so far?) when i was in an abusive romantic relationship and was truly struggling to decipher reality against the gaslighting 'reality' i had been lead to believe. achieving this meant telling her every thought that made me feel sheepish, or stupid, or like i was "blowing things out of proportion." it was very helpful to have a third party hear the details of my life experiences and tell me 100% objectively that i was being abused, as most of it was emotional/mental and i didn't have much "evidence" to provide for my account besides my word.

therapy is also expensive, so at the risk of generalizing all the issues in the world into one salve of advice, i want to remind each and every one of you that you are deserving of patience and kindness, always <3

 

[PumpedAaron]

I've been thinking, how can I improve my standing in the Smogon community? I'm a lowly user without any of the priveleges of staff members, so I'm basically useless. This is the self-improvement thread, so I can I improve my self in the Smogon community? How can I gain respect, recognition, and have people trust my judgement?

 

[PumpedAaron]

this is a very well worded post on therapy and the benefits it can offer--i only wanted to tack on that therapy will only be as successful as you make it! this mainly applies to honesty. a therapist cannot help you if you try to "soften the blow" of what your inner experience is actually like, they're meant to listen to all your ugliness and be an objective observer and advisor!

on that note, PLEASE remember that a therapist is just a human with a job, and they are fallible. this means that they can mess up, or they can be bad at their job. sometimes having success with therapy also means finding the right fitting therapist, so do NOT feel like you must commit to an intimate encounter with someone biweekly if interacting with them isn't actually making you feel better. i utilized therapy once in my life formally (so far?) when i was in an abusive romantic relationship and was truly struggling to decipher reality against the gaslighting 'reality' i had been lead to believe. achieving this meant telling her every thought that made me feel sheepish, or stupid, or like i was "blowing things out of proportion." it was very helpful to have a third party hear the details of my life experiences and tell me 100% objectively that i was being abused, as most of it was emotional/mental and i didn't have much "evidence" to provide for my account besides my word.

therapy is also expensive, so at the risk of generalizing all the issues in the world into one salve of advice, i want to remind each and every one of you that you are deserving of patience and kindness, always <3

This all sounds like pretty good advice. Still, I'm not sure how much it will help us. I hope it does.

 

[Fishy]

This all sounds like pretty good advice. Still, I'm not sure how much it will help us. I hope it does.

who is us? i think speaking for yourself is especially important on a public forum~

owning your own voice is a big part of what garners respect from strangers, too (response to your previous post)

i have a poignant quote from one of my favorite tv series:

 

[PumpedAaron]

who is us? i think speaking for yourself is especially important on a public forum~

owning your own voice is a big part of what garners respect from strangers, too (response to your previous post)

i have a poignant quote from one of my favorite tv series:

View attachment 396076

Thank you. Its a very nice quote for real life, but I doubt it applies to moving up the ranks in Smogon. I'm just tired of being treated like a nobody. I'm smart, strong, capable, and I have immense faith in myself. Why isn't that enough for Smogon staff to respect me? This is an aspect of my -self- that I want to improve. And this is the self improvement thread. Grr, what do I do?

 

[Aqua Jet]

I've been thinking, how can I improve my standing in the Smogon community? I'm a lowly user without any of the priveleges of staff members, so I'm basically useless. This is the self-improvement thread, so I can I improve my self in the Smogon community? How can I gain respect, recognition, and have people trust my judgement?

I wouldn't necessarily call you just because you don't have the privileges of staff members.. we all start somewhere. As to how you can gain respect, I've observed that being kind and dedicated to what you do is a big factor to sucess in the Smogon community. I think many people (including myself) have been able to get badged due to being a positive presence all the time, in addition to making contributions to help the site improve. As for how you can get recognition in terms of being a player, joining tournaments and doing well in them is a surefire way to get your name around.

 

[PumpedAaron]

I wouldn't necessarily call you just because you don't have the privileges of staff members.. we all start somewhere. As to how you can gain respect, I've observed that being kind and dedicated to what you do is a big factor to sucess in the Smogon community. I think many people (including myself) have been able to get badged due to being a positive presence all the time, in addition to making contributions to help the site improve. As for how you can get recognition in terms of being a player, joining tournaments and doing well in them is a surefire way to get your name around.

Being a positive presence all the time? Hmm. It doesn't sound right, but my intuition tells me you have a point. In theory, its easy to be a positive presence, but in practice, I always run into some major snags. I argue with the staff a lot for one thing. I can't be a positive presence when I always argue with them. Honestly, I wish there was a quick and easy way for me to just talk things out until I'm truly satisfied. Is there any OTHER way to work up the ranks quickly? I'm not in the mood for positivity right now.

This is an aspect of my self I'm working at improving. It is therefore relevant to this discussion.

EDIT: I've been considering your suggestion about being positive. I'm still not in the mood for it, but if I was, I could probably do it long enough to rank up a little bit. All-in-all difficult stuff though. Still, I'm childish and hate losing. My heart is full of love, kindness, and most of all, power.

Still, I'll take a short break for now. Even if the worst happens to my reputation in Smogon my real life will continue. And I will win.

 

[Fishy]

Being a positive presence all the time? Hmm. It doesn't sound right, but my intuition tells me you have a point. In theory, its easy to be a positive presence, but in practice, I always run into some major snags. I argue with the staff a lot for one thing. I can't be a positive presence when I always argue with them. Honestly, I wish there was a quick and easy way for me to just talk things out until I'm truly satisfied.*** Is there any OTHER way to work up the ranks quickly? I'm not in the mood for positivity right now.

This is an aspect of my self I'm working at improving. It is therefore relevant to this discussion.

EDIT: I've been considering your suggestion about being positive. I'm still not in the mood for it, but if I was, I could probably do it long enough to rank up a little bit. All-in-all difficult stuff though. Still, I'm childish and hate losing. My heart is full of love, kindness, and most of all, power.

Still, I'll take a short break for now. Even if the worst happens to my reputation in Smogon my real life will continue. And I will win.

i might re-examine why exactly you seek more recognition on smogon in the first place

there shouldn't be anything mystifying about being advised to maintain a positive attitude if you want to garner positive treatment--sort of a balance of exchange, do unto others as you would like done unto you, etc. why do you argue with staff? is there a difference between disagreeing with staff and arguing with them, in your mind?

***maybe you're stifling yourself thinking that you can get exactly what you want in record time. frankly, that's unrealistic once you're an adult! i'm not sure how old you are, but judging that you've had your account since 2008, it's safe to assume you're most likely 18+, and have encounteted other instances of disappointment from merely not getting your way. that's life! however, i do think it's possible for you to talk things out until you're satisfied, but you owe it to yourself to reach that point organically, rather than how you might prefer. this is the difference between making choices based on how you want something to go in your mind, vs reacting to reality as it occurs around you.

you say that your heart is full of love and kindness, yet being positive is something you're "not in the mood for," which are conflicting sentiments. being kind is a fluid state, like any other personality attribute we think we have! i think when someone says to be positive, they aren't trying to give you direct instructions for how to act, what to say. you know what kindness feels like surely, so you can probably think of ways that you can make someone else feel warm and fuzzy inside. but if you do that just to be recognized and somehow get power, then people will not trust you as much

 

[PumpedAaron]

i might re-examine why exactly you seek more recognition on smogon in the first place

there shouldn't be anything mystifying about being advised to maintain a positive attitude if you want to garner positive treatment--sort of a balance of exchange, do unto others as you would like done unto you, etc. why do you argue with staff? is there a difference between disagreeing with staff and arguing with them, in your mind?

***maybe you're stifling yourself thinking that you can get exactly what you want in record time. frankly, that's unrealistic once you're an adult! i'm not sure how old you are, but judging that you've had your accout since 2008, it's safe to assume you're most likely 18+, and have encounteted other instances of disappointment from merely not getting your way. that's life! however, i do think it's possible for you to talk things out until you're satisfied, but you owe it to yourself to reach that point organically, rather than how you might prefer. this is the difference between making choices based on how you want something to go in your mind, vs reacting to reality as it occurs around you.

you say that your heart is full of love and kindness, yet being positive is something you're "not in the mood for," which are conflicting sentiments. being kind is a fluid state, like any other personality attribute we think we have! i think when someone says to be positive, they aren't trying to give you direct instructions for how to act, what to say. you know what kindness feels like surely, so you can probably think of ways that you can make someone else feel warm and fuzzy inside. but if you do that just to be recognized and somehow get power, then people will not trust you as much

Well you got me there. I never thought of all that. I guess I let my emotions get the better of me. But I don't intend to let my suffering or madness or agony get me down. I know someday I'll have better days in life. I just have to keep believing, and find a way to work at it.

Anyway, I will admit here, my biggest weakness, and also my greatest strength. I am childish, and I hate losing.


Things are going a lot better right now. I think I'm finally understanding some of my flaws and my method of overcoming them. I don't always deal honestly with people when I have a conflict. Sometimes I just hide away and quietly nurse my grudge. I shouldn't act so cowardly when it comes to honestly dealing with people! Like what the Persona 1 gang told Kumi Hirose!