I've been in a relationship for almost nine months (and my partner happens to be a childhood sweetheart), but before ending up with her, I used dating apps consistently on and off for five years, so I have quite a bit of experience with them.
Keep in mind that any information I share about them is from 2019 at the latest, so any changes that have happened this year (like apparently the introduction of video calls, I know nothing about). This is also based on my experience as a straight mid-20s male, so a lot of this might not apply to any lady-Smogoner or non-hetero Smogoner out here.
In that time, I literally went on hundreds of dates thanks to these apps. In those dates I had a huge variety of outcomes: some matches turned into something a little serious, others stayed fun and casual friends-with-benefits type arrangements or casual dating, some were one night stands and a whole bunch ended up being just one date because we didn't have the in-person chemistry. The unfortunate truth about dating apps is that they're a numbers game. Very rarely is the first person you match with going to be "the one". In my case, it turned out none of the people I dated from apps ended up being the one lol, although I did meet some incredible women along the way.
The photos
I'd be lying if I said that these don't matter. Dating apps are superficial after all. Yes, being a male model makes all the difference and the more attractive you are, the easier your life on these apps will be. I've been told that I'm reasonably attractive which definitely helped me get matches, but my guy friend who is ridiculously good looking would literally have hundreds and hundreds of girls in his queue, which was eye-opening to see. Having said that, if you have photos that maximise your attractiveness, some matches will come.
Some quick tips:
- Avoid selfies where possible, unless it's a really, really good photo of you. While it works for girls, my female friends have all told me it's a big no in reverse (unless you're really good looking, it's a really really good photo of you as mentioned above, or it's a really funny photo).
- Have photos of you in interesting places, dressed well (suits at a wedding for example) - hell, even if it's at a party or in a nightclub, if you're smiling or just look good, it'll work just fine.
- If you've got good ones, photos of you pursuing your passions are always great (e.g. sport, weightlifting, acting, singing, playing chess - doesn't really matter what it is).
- Having a group photo or two is okay, but make sure your first few photos are just of you, so they're not guessing who you are in your pics.
The bio
Try and write it based on the type of person you are and on the type of person you're looking to attract / type of interaction you're looking for. If you're funny and looking to just get laid, a witty one-liner will be fine. If you're looking for something a little more serious, add something that represents your personality while mentioning some of your interests / hobbies / passions. Keep it to a couple of lines though, because nobody's on a dating app to read an essay or a Wikipedia page.
Truth be told, bio's are rarely going to make it for you (at least on Tinder or Bumble), but if you come across as too desperate or tryhard they can ruin your chances. Not only will you get a quick right-swipe, but you'll probably be in many a girl's group chat where they laugh at creepy bio's.
Now, the dating app that was my absolute favourite was Hinge. The reason for it? It has question prompts which you answer and add to your profile, which are a much much much better conversation starter than just a bio with some pictures. In my single days, I always lamented that I'd like to swipe on a personality just as much as a pretty face, and while that'll never truly be the case on dating apps in general, the closest I came to experiencing that was via Hinge as opposed to Tinder or Bumble (which led to a lot of my best connections I had from dating apps being from there).
The first message
I'd try avoiding making it about their looks, unless their photos weren't interesting at all and they had zero bio (in which case, make it something specific that you like about their appearance rather than just 'you're hot'). It's obvious that if you match them, you think they're hot lol. Personally, I'd try and find something in their bio or photos to respond to. I found that that's what led to me getting the most responses. Keep in mind that I still got plenty of no-replies, but dating apps are a numbers game for girls just as much as guys, and their inboxes are inundated with way more messages than ours, so I never took it personally and if you don't get a response, neither should you. Nobody owes you anything.
The goal
Whether you're looking for love, companionship, or a one night stand, there's one common goal you should have once you're in a conversation with a girl on these apps. Once you've been chatting for a little and a legitimate connection has been formed, try to get them off the app and meeting up face-to-face. Unless you're on the app for a pen pal, the quickest way for a spark to fizzle out is months of messaging without meeting up. Having said that, because we are currently living in COVID times, that aspect may be a little tougher depending on where you live - so obviously "pen-pals" may be a necessity until it's safer to meet up.
In terms of suggestions for where to meet up, somewhere really chill and in public (e.g. coffee, walk in the park) is fine because a) it puts less pressure on both you and the girl and b) stranger danger can be a legitimate concern, so that'd definitely help them feel more comfortable. Wherever you do meet up, as long as it's somewhere where you can have a good conversation and get to know each other (so no, movie-dates are a shitty first date unless you're doing something else before/after the date - because you can't actually talk), you can't go wrong!
Paying for dating apps
Yes it sounds desperate, but it's a pretty low cost to get prioritised by the algorithm - no matter which dating app you use. The amount of matches I'd get when I had premium accounts was ridiculous compared to when I didn't. The dating apps are a business first and foremost, so they're going to prioritise their paying customers before anyone else.
If dating apps aren't for you?
That's fine! They're not for everyone and even before I met my partner, I was getting sick of them. My advice for meeting girls in-person is to try and throw yourself into many hobbies as you can. Not only will you be blown away by how many people you meet that way, but you'll already have something in common!