It's been a long time since I posted here. I figured I'd write a post in the hopes that it might help somebody else feel less alone if they ever come across this in a time of need and need to relate to somebody. It's really heartwarming and amazing to see people here offering their support and help. It's a real reminder of how kind the queer community can be despite the hardships and disagreements. I can't express enough how amazing that is.
I've been queer for as long as I can remember. A lot of you will know what it's like to feel that aching difference that separates you from your family, friends and peers right from when you were a child and sometimes long into adulthood. I first came out as gay a long time ago. I don't need to preach to the choir about how it is being gay. The unfortunate truth of being queer is that we exist at the intersection of many forms of discrimination.
As I get older, I'm trying to figure out why I continue to experience that ache after all of this time. It's one of the worst feelings in the world to feel alienated from the people around you on the basis of who you are. But it's so goddamn painful to feel alienated from yourself in tandem. Feeling content with your gender, how we present on a daily basis, and the roles that we take on often for the purpose of conforming, is something people take for granted. There are so many things to consider and account for when facing the jarring feelings of gender dysphoria and the possibility of being trans. How do you tell the people you know? Will you be safe? How will you find employment? How do you find a partner that's accepting of you entirely? What parts of yourself will you have to compromise? It's so vulnerable and embarrassing for many of us. The reality is that integral aspects of human life become uncertainties when you're queer. That ache of mine might never go away but for now I'm fine with just accepting that it's there.
It's so unfortunate that so many of us feel we have to bicker with people (especially people who aren't in our day to day lives) about who we are or explain ourselves at great lengths with flawless logic and counter arguments at the ready. They genuinely have no comprehension of how soul crushing and crippling it is to feel completely disconnected from the person you show as to not only others but also to yourself. I hope that one day this isn't necessary for us.
It's perfectly fine to have ambiguous, conflicted and sometimes painful feelings about your identity. Being a human is really fucking confusing and illogical as is. Being queer is barely the tip of that iceberg and nobody has it fully figured out.
You deserve to live life without giving explanations for your existence and experience the same unapologetic sincerity that other people live their lives with. One day you will experience those same sacred moments you see other people in this world experience, and it'll be great.
Stay safe babes
I've been queer for as long as I can remember. A lot of you will know what it's like to feel that aching difference that separates you from your family, friends and peers right from when you were a child and sometimes long into adulthood. I first came out as gay a long time ago. I don't need to preach to the choir about how it is being gay. The unfortunate truth of being queer is that we exist at the intersection of many forms of discrimination.
As I get older, I'm trying to figure out why I continue to experience that ache after all of this time. It's one of the worst feelings in the world to feel alienated from the people around you on the basis of who you are. But it's so goddamn painful to feel alienated from yourself in tandem. Feeling content with your gender, how we present on a daily basis, and the roles that we take on often for the purpose of conforming, is something people take for granted. There are so many things to consider and account for when facing the jarring feelings of gender dysphoria and the possibility of being trans. How do you tell the people you know? Will you be safe? How will you find employment? How do you find a partner that's accepting of you entirely? What parts of yourself will you have to compromise? It's so vulnerable and embarrassing for many of us. The reality is that integral aspects of human life become uncertainties when you're queer. That ache of mine might never go away but for now I'm fine with just accepting that it's there.
It's so unfortunate that so many of us feel we have to bicker with people (especially people who aren't in our day to day lives) about who we are or explain ourselves at great lengths with flawless logic and counter arguments at the ready. They genuinely have no comprehension of how soul crushing and crippling it is to feel completely disconnected from the person you show as to not only others but also to yourself. I hope that one day this isn't necessary for us.
It's perfectly fine to have ambiguous, conflicted and sometimes painful feelings about your identity. Being a human is really fucking confusing and illogical as is. Being queer is barely the tip of that iceberg and nobody has it fully figured out.
You deserve to live life without giving explanations for your existence and experience the same unapologetic sincerity that other people live their lives with. One day you will experience those same sacred moments you see other people in this world experience, and it'll be great.
Stay safe babes
